I started this week ready to rush the process.
I was irritated.
I was thinking about my job, my future, moving, money, and everything I want to build. And instead of being proud of where I am, I kept thinking about how much further I still have to go.
I kept thinking about the version of myself I have in my head.
The version that has already moved.
The version that has already reached the financial goal.
The version that has already built the brand.
The version that is already living the life I keep praying for.
And honestly, I just wanted to be there already.
But my dad said something to me on the phone Thursday while I was laying in the yard. He said, “Don’t rush the process. You need to enjoy the process. You need to do things that will allow you to enjoy it. Because why rush a three-year plan when it will only make it harder for you and it doesn’t make sense? Why do you feel like you always have to move so fast?”
Mane, I had to sit with that.
That really stopped me.
I will say, I knew this already, but I don’t know if I was really following it.
Because this whole time, I have been strict with myself. No distractions. No detours. No side quests. Just work, save, plan, run, build, and repeat.
That has been my routine.
Wake up. Run. Work. Plan. Save. Go to sleep. Do it all over again.
Most people get a sense of relief on payday. They buy themselves something. They go out. They do something fun. But for me, payday has looked like paying loans, moving money into savings, feeling broke again, and waiting for the next payday so I can get closer to the goal.
And don’t get me wrong, I am proud of myself for being disciplined. I know why I am doing what I am doing.
But this week taught me that sometimes the side quests are what make life fun.
Yes, they may make you tired.
Yes, they may cause you to miss some sleep.
Yes, they may not always fit perfectly into the plan.
But sometimes, they are the very moments that remind you that you are still living while you are building.
So cheers to all my side quests this week.
First, I got a new laptop that cost way too much.
I bought it while I was in Nashville. I had been trying to sell my old one because I simply did not have any storage on it whatsoever. I had been shopping for a new laptop for a while, but I just could not pull the trigger.
I have so many videos sitting there that I cannot edit because I do not have the memory or the software on my laptop to do it. And at some point, I had to be honest with myself.
It was time.
Still, $1,300?
Apple, you wrong, laugh out loud.
I am still trying to figure out how I feel about spending that much money. I broke the $10,000 cushion I had saved for myself, and in this economy, you never want to feel like you are doing too much.
But I also know this laptop was not just a random purchase.
It was an investment.
It was an investment in Jessica Knox Media. It was an investment in the videos I want to create. It was an investment in being able to edit content for myself and for clients. It was an investment in taking myself seriously.
Sometimes, building something requires you to spend money before you feel completely ready. And that is uncomfortable for me because I am in a season where I am trying to save, pay off debt, and prepare for my future.
But I also cannot keep saying I want to build something and then not give myself the tools to build it.
So yes, the laptop cost too much.
But it also represents the next level.
The second side quest was spending 24 hours in Nashville.
That meant eight hours on the road, but I had a blast like always.
I went because I was trying to make it up to my boyfriend. And honestly, I could tell we needed to see each other. The distance was starting to become a strain, and sometimes a phone call is not enough.
I know eight hours on the road sounds like a lot for one day, but I love the road.
Driving, listening to music, being alone with my thoughts, it fills me up in a way I cannot fully explain.
And then getting to be with Devin is always a plus.
I also truly enjoy exploring Nashville. It is such a great city. This weekend was CMA Fest, so there was so much going on. From trying new coffee shops to running errands to just being around people I connect with, the whole weekend reminded me that I needed that.
I needed community.
I needed friendship.
I needed a break from only thinking about the plan.
And I can be honest, I do not always feel like I have that in Montgomery.
Even though Montgomery is my hometown, sometimes I still feel like that same reporter who is working in an unknown area where she does not really know anyone. It is a strange feeling to be from somewhere but still feel like you are trying to find your place in it.
Nashville allows me to be the explorer that I am.
That is what I miss most about living in a city I did not grow up in. Everything feels new. Everything feels exciting. I am always finding something, trying something, seeing something, and reminding myself that life is bigger than my routine.
Nashville reminded me that I need that.
I need to explore.
I need to travel.
I need to get out of my head.
I need to have moments that make me feel full again.
Because if I do not, I will get tired of the plan before I even get to the promise.
And the third side quest was starting my own run club.
I never thought I would do that, but why not?
I enjoy running. I enjoy moving my body. I enjoy how much discipline and peace running has brought into my life. So why not create a space where I can meet new people, move my body, and hopefully encourage other people to do the same?
I did not really have fear about starting it.
I already knew people may not show up.
I know I am introducing something that is rare, especially in a place where health and fitness are not always pushed the way they should be. Most of America is overweight. Then you add the South and people of color into the mix, and the numbers get even higher.
So I knew it might take time.
Of course, I want people to come. But I also understand that what I am building may not make sense to everybody at first.
And I am going to be honest, sometimes it feels like I am dragging my family to show up, and that is not what I want.
The first time, I was excited to see them come. But now, it can feel like a strain because I feel like I am forcing people to do something that could change their life for the better. And that part annoys me because these are the same things people complain about all the time.
But I am also learning that I cannot want it more for people than they want it for themselves.
All I can do is create the space.
All I can do is show up.
All I can do is be an example.
And if they do not do it, that is fine. At least I know I tried. At least I know I did my part to show a different way.
Because creating community matters to me.
I need it.
It fills my cup.
God has taught me so much, and it would be a waste not to share it. It would be a waste to grow, learn, heal, discipline myself, and then keep all of that to myself.
So even if the run club starts small, it still matters.
Even if it is just a few people, it still matters.
Even if I am pulling teeth right now, it still matters.
Because sometimes building something real starts with being the only person who can see the vision clearly.
I still do not know the full answer to my dad’s question.
Why do I feel like I always have to move so fast?
Part of me thinks it is because growing up, we always moved. So in my mind, moving is just what you do. After a year, you move. You start over. You become whoever you want to be. You get a fresh start.
And maybe there is freedom in that.
But I also think there is some fear there too.
Fear of wasting time.
Fear of being stuck.
Fear of not becoming everything I know I can be.
Fear of looking up and realizing I stayed somewhere too long.
So yes, I want better for myself.
But I also have to be careful not to rush past the season I prayed for.
Because the truth is, this version of me right now is still important.
The version that is working.
The version that is saving.
The version that is building.
The version that is tired sometimes.
The version that wants to quit after a bad day.
The version that says, “Man, forget it. I’m moving,” at least once a week.
She matters too.
And one day, I know I will look back and talk about these days.
I will talk about living with my grandmother and saving money. I will talk about working, running, building Jessica Knox Media, driving to Nashville, starting a run club, buying the expensive laptop, and trying to figure it all out in real time.
These are the days I will probably laugh about later.
These are the days I will probably be proud of later.
So I might as well learn to appreciate them now.
That is what I am learning about documenting the journey.
You do not wait until you “make it” to tell the story.
You tell the story while you are becoming.
You tell the story while you are still confused.
You tell the story while you are still tired.
You tell the story while you are still praying.
You tell the story while you are still building.
Because it all adds up.
Every step is designed by God. And yes, it can be tiring. But when you are truly aligned with Him, He will refresh you with what you need to keep going.
So no, I do not have it all figured out.
And yes, after one bad day at work next week, I may still say, “Man, forget it. I’m moving.”
But at least now, I am learning to slow down enough to see the beauty in where I am.
Maybe the goal is not just getting to the next place.
Maybe the goal is documenting the journey, enjoying the process, and giving myself permission to live a little along the way.
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